As Thanksgiving rolls around, I'm forced to face some facts, for which I'm truly grateful. The fact is, my cancer battle is behind me! Woot!! Woot!! This time last year, I was less than a month diagnosed, and I was facing surgery on the Monday following Thanksgiving. It had been a whirlwind of doctors' appointments, tests, lab work, more tests, and on and on. It had also been a tremendous whirlwind of emotions!
With the 1 year anniversary of my diagnosis behind me, I can look back and truly appreciate life, family, friends, and especially my awesome God!! To say that the past year was one of the scariest times in my life is about as much of an understatement as saying the Atlantic is a cute little pond! However, my family and friends surrounded me, I was comforted by the prayers of many, and while the time seemed to creep at an agonizingly slow pace, it did still tick and we took it a day at a time.
In all of it, my daughter stood strong. It had to be difficult on her. It was her senior year in high school. We had always been close, but I think we found things in each other through this battle that gave us a new found respect for one another. She's stronger than I ever knew. And we are closer than ever!
I absolutely cannot say enough about my faithful husband, Rusty. Let me just say chemo sucks! There are things that folks just don't tell you. For example, for the first 48 hours following each chemo treatment, I peed red. Yep, that's right, red. And it was toxic. So everytime I went, I had to wipe the entire toilet down with a clorox wipe, put the lid down and flush, and wipe a gain and flush a second time. That doesn't sound so awful, but when you're weak as water, it's a task to stand there and wait for that tank to fill enough just to be able to flush again. I'm so glad that's over!
Another thing that you wouldn't otherwise know is that the chemo is not the worst of drugs. When you take chemo, you're hooked to an IV for somewhere between one - two hours. What happens after that is 4 days of strong meds! Most of them are anti-nausea, anti-reflux meds...and yes, we are grateful for those! However, there is one med, a steroid called "Decadron" that is far worse than chemo!! Decadron really sucks!! It causes paranoia, anxiety, fear, panic, stress, restlessness, and on and on and on! The truth is that on my first round of chemo, before we knew about the Decadron and the side effects I would have on it, I had suicidal thoughts. I trembled uncontrollably. But the worst was how it effected my mind. It was really, really difficult to just begin feeling like myself again and then realize my 2 weeks were up and I was headed back for more. Did I say that chemo sucks?
Then there is the fact that one of the chemo drugs, Taxotere, burned my hands and feet to the point that I lost several of my toenails and all my fingernails "lifted" from the nail beds. My hands burned and peeled and burned and peeled all through the final 4 rounds of chemo. And each time, they would swell and be so sore I could not hold an ink pen for grading papers or even begin to button my own clothes.
This is where the part about my wonderful husband comes in. Rusty stayed by my side night and day! When I had the surgery and was unable to lie flat in the bed to sleep, he slept sitting up in a recliner just like I did. He went to every single doctor's appointment that I had. He took notes, asked questions, filed insurance claims, fixed soup and crackers. He brought water and medicines (every 4 hours) for the four days following each of the 8 treatments. He did the laundry, the grocery shopping, the cooking! He made sure that all the forms that is the paper trail of a senior year for our daughter were completed and turned in. He made sure that her college application and her FASFA applications were submitted on time. He did it all!
When we said our vows 25 years ago we did not know what "for better or worse, in sickness and in health" could possibly hold in store for us. I am thankful that when he took the vow, he meant it.
Now, to sum this up, I say all that to say this. This year, when November 27, rolls around and we sit around the table to reflect upon the things we have to be grateful for, topping the list will be: my God who comforted me in the darkest and lonliest hours; my husband who stood faithfully by my side; my daughter who grew in strength and character; my friends and family who fixed meals, shaved their heads, dressed in pink, graded papers, cleaned my house, encouraged and supported; my medical team who guided me and cheered me on.
I am thankful for life. I am thankful for prayer. I am thankful for healing. I am thankful for peace. I am thankful for science and technology. I am thankful for returning strength. I am thankful for returning fingernails and toenails. I am thankful for hair regrowth...slower and thinner than I ever thought possible, but still, it's growing--and for that I'm thankful. I'm thankful for the appreciation my entire family has now for "family". That word means more to us than I could ever possibly explain! I'm thankful that last year is behind us. I am just so thankful to be getting over it!
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